We all go through those times where we cannot even remember what happiness feels like. We live our lives day in and day out without a true smile ever crossing our face. We try to think through what’s happening but our brains are just a jumbled mess of confusion and chaos.
We do everything to get out the slump… Exercise. Eat well. Take a “personal” day. Explore spirituality. Keep busy.
But nothing can change that sense of utter unhappiness we feel. Even if nothing is really wrong.
I’ve been there, many a time. Usually it’s instigated by something major; a heartbreak, rejection, stress building up over time.
As someone who values happiness above most else in life, these times are especially trying.
But after multiple cycles of experiencing this dismay, I’ve discovered a few things I just need to share.
- It’s never as bad as you think. I always try to look at my life in relation to the world around me. Sure, I might feel like the most unhappy person in the world. But instead of dwelling on that, I chose to look at all I still have, all I’m still blessed with, compared to others around me or around the world that have much, much less. My worst day is nothing compared to what others have to go through. Putting things in perspective like this is so humbling, and really makes me appreciate the fact that even though life seems pretty shitty, it’s still pretty damn good.
- You will be happy again, if you allow yourself to be. Allowing yourself to be happy, though, is the biggest challenge. After a devastating event — a breakup, losing a loved one, not getting your dream job, etc. — it’s easy to pity ourselves and to feel as though we should be sad. While it’s normal to have a period of sadness, I think many of us dwell on that too much. Somedays it’s just a matter of simply waking up and saying, “Today, I’m going to be happy.” It doesn’t always work at first, but once you continue to do that morning after morning, you talk your brain into actually allowing that happiness to seep back in.
- Nothing or no one, besides yourself, can control your happiness. This is so important. So many of us — I’m guilty, too — think we need other people in order to be happy. If we just had the perfect best friend, the perfect family, the perfect significant other, then of course we would be happier. You know that saying “You can’t be happy with someone else unless you are first happy by yourself”? A bit overused and a bit cliche, but it is the truth. Happiness comes from within. Outside affects can alter it if we allow them to, but deep down we hold the key to our true happiness; we must not let anyone in our lives who makes us weak enough to let them take that happiness away.
Sometimes I think people might laugh at my obsession with happiness. But the things I accomplish and the way I feel when I know I am truly, sincerely happy is proof enough to me that happiness really is as important as I make it out to be.
Today I’m riding on this high of happiness that I never want to let go. Today I’ll do my best to bottle up as much of it as I can for the next time a wave of unhappiness comes. But most importantly, today I will cherish this feeling because genuine happiness is truly the best thing I’ve ever felt in life.
Evan Petschke 