On The Tip Of My Tongue

You know that feeling when you are in a really important conversation, and you have the PERFECT idea/thought/comment to add, but for the life of you, you cannot spit out the one word you need to make the sentence complete?

That’s how I’ve felt for a while now. Except that word I’m searching for isn’t so much a single word to complete one sentence, but rather a purpose to complete my life.

That’s not to say my life is lacking purpose. I love what I do, and I believe I’m on the right path to accomplishing my ultimate goals.

However, those “ultimate goals” are currently TBD (to be decided).

These thoughts have been on my mind for some time now, so this post is more or less my way of me hashing them out in writing because they are, if I’m being honest, getting way too overwhelming in my head.

My goals in life have always changed frequently. My friends in high school made fun of me all the time because as we grew up I wanted to be everything — from a songwriter to a foot doctor to a journalist, just to name a few — I was always coming up with something new I wanted to achieve.

I always figured one day, something would just click. But in the meantime, I was happy to keep my options open and explore all the opportunities out there.

Some things have clicked along the way. I realized I actually hated being a journalist. I discovered a love for politics and public policy. Most surprisingly to me, I found a keen interest in economics, a field I had completely eliminated from future prospects after getting a C in AP microeconomics in high school. I also discovered a huge passion for the field of social impact.

So today my interests lie at some sort of intersection between development economics, public policy, international relations and an overall a yearning to make this world a better place for all — including at home in America and in the world’s poorest regions.

I want to help. Everyday I see immense inefficiencies in institutions all over the place. From the university, to the government, to the economy, these inefficiencies have created an environment that does not offer equal access to opportunity for anyone willing to work hard.

The answer as to “How?” is that missing piece for which I’ve been searching. This feeling that it is somewhere, floating around in my brain, waiting for the right moment to reveal itself, will not go away.

Despite the “clicks” I’ve felt these past few years, I am still incredibly unsure as to exactly what I want to do.

I don’t want a traditional career. I know that much.

From my work with 180 Degrees Consulting, the largest consultancy in the world for non-profits and social enterprises run primarily by students, I’ve become incredibly inspired by social entrepreneurs starting their own ventures in order to achieve their unique goals.

Ultimately, that is what I see myself doing. Partly because I feel as though oftentimes my ideas do not align with others’. Partly because I like to do what I want to do, not what others tell me. And partly because I feel like I have this vision that I will not be able to achieve through existing, conventional frameworks.

So… for the moment, this leaves me in a very confusing spot.

However, I have come to accept this confusion. I trust that at this moment, that idea is still in the oven. It’s like an egg not quite ready to hatch. It will come with time.

Great ideas, great things, cannot be rushed. (Assuming this will be some great idea eventually, and I’m not just making it all up… haha)

My impatience does not like this so much. But I’m trying to look at it as a moment for more learning and exploration. I’ve got a lot of discovery to do. And meanwhile, I have a lot of good things going for me right now as it is.

I guess I write this to say, it’s okay to not be 100% sure of where you are going. At any moment in life, it is okay to take a step back, to enjoy the spot you are in at this point in time, and to trust that this is where you are meant to be right now and tomorrow will take you where you need to be tomorrow.


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