Maybe we are never truly whole. Maybe everywhere we go, in everything we do, we find another little piece of ourselves.
Maybe there is no final person we are meant to be, rather we are a canvas upon which all these little pieces continue to collect and our story is the glue that ties them all together. As our story changes sometimes we may lose a piece or two, ones that no longer fit within the canvas of our life.
We grow. Some of it, some of those pieces, we can choose and control. But most of them are unintentionally collected, attracted to us by the energies we project, by the way we choose to look at the world.
If this is true, then, I think we must be okay with not knowing quite exactly who we are. We must be open to critiquing the perception we have of ourselves in order to allow those pieces that no longer fit us to leave, making room for new ones, brighter ones, more positive ones to enter.
We must be okay with the person we see when we look in the mirror, right now and in every moment. Knowing tomorrow we might find another little piece of ourself perhaps hidden in an insignificant place or experience or interaction. Aware that those pieces are floating around yet allowing them to find us, as opposed to spending our valuable time on this Earth searching for them.
It is a difficult game of keen awareness yet blissful ignorance. We must know such occurrences exist yet not let such knowledge dictate our every move. The creation of ourself can be neither rushed nor forced. It is a slow sometimes trying process yet it is beautiful because we as unique human beings are each distinctively beautiful.
Those pieces and changes might come slowly, unexpectedly, or at times in a wave of deep discovery not only of ourselves but of our place in relation to the rest of the world around us. I believe, in this movement, I sit in the middle of one of those precise waves.
Sometimes I think I might be too aware, however, taking in each and every bit of change and discovery as if I will lose hold of an integral piece of my puzzle if I allow my focus to take off in an unknown direction. My vision clings tightly to each and every sense that is ignited in this process.
But I think, for me, maybe the chaos such a wave wants to bring is necessary. And I tell myself to let my focus wander, that all the pieces are already out there and they will fall into place when they are ready, when I am ready. The universe is in control and I must stop attempting to take over in every space that I feel as though I can.
I think… I think this canvas is best painted in waves of chaos to which we allow ourselves to humbly succumb.